Tuesday, February 26, 2013

My 23rd Birthday in Solitude

February 21. Woke up at 7 AM yet slept at 5 AM. Lying my head on my white angry bird stuff toy I can hear outside the drizzling rain, this is the first time that it rained on my birthday. It's a gloomy day, and the celebrant got a gloomy face too. It made me to think that I really suck. I've been quite emotional lately as my 23rd age gets nearer. For deeper understanding, let me show you my Facebook status last February 8.

""How's it going, Janine?"
My FB asked me. I have realized, my 23 years of existence in this world is already approaching yet have I achieved something great and remarkable? It's been three years since I graduated from a good school but I can tell that my future doesn't depend at the school where I graduated for it is still my decision of what I want to become. I'm 22, but I still do not have savings. I have thought that at the age of 25 I should experienced an early retirement because I have big, big, big savings for me to put up a promising business. 26, I should get married to the one I love because my father will be 71... and that my savings will continuously grow and that I will have  lots of good investments. I will be able to buy what I want, I have the power to tour my mother and father to see the beauty of life together. The bliss, smile, happiness.Wow, I love to live a life! Wait...

This might be an illusion because we live in a third world country. Yet, I can tell that it is not because of the country where we live, because we still handle our own steering wheel and arrive into the destiny where we want to go. We have to be industrious, and divide our body into three. But all efforts would be nothing if we got the WRONG opportunity. That's why people rather choose to be an OFW to experience financial prosperity yet bringing themselves in peril faraway from their loves.

I have come to think of going abroad too but my parents did not allow me for I am their only child. Sigh, what a lost opportunity to have big income. Big income, yet you are far from your loved ones as well. Sacrifice. Now, March is almost there. Where is the place for fresh graduates in the real world?  Is there a job that really awaits them? And to those who has work, when will we finish our job, or the job we have will FINISH us. When it is already 2051 yet you are still like a working ant. Oh my G, I don't want that.

What the! "How's it going, Janine?" have come far. I shouldn't have blog this, should I? Bottom line is, I'll be 23 soon. :("

I thought that beginning is easy but I was wrong. Beginning is always the hardest - great man like Pacquiao, Jobs, Gates, Sy struggle at first too, or even just a baby struggled several times to learn to walk.. the beginning is always the hardest. I was a mistake that I thought I had my beginning this new year. Today, I'll strive harder to have a new beginning. My 22nd birthday and my birthdays that passed were always celebrated happily but now I celebrated my birthday with solitude to reflect because I've been dubious with my future. Let bygones be bygones to help me to move forward. This is my retribution for myself for being negligent for the times that I let it pass that does not contribute to my wellness. I'm going to work now and play later for time is rude, it pass us by unknowingly and uncontrollably.

After talking to myself, I also got the time to talk to my Father, and to your Father as well. I have to talk to the master of life for the complexity of life is eating me. I know by being with Him makes me to have an inner peace in me even if my heart is shouting.

I do not know how to start again to get my dreams. Mentally and emotionally I am tired and those are the things that is difficult to alter so I begin it by seeing a change in me physically. Time to ditch my lifeless hairstyle and present a newer version of me. This is my gift for myself. This is the new me that will forget the past mistakes and will face the future strongly.
Before and After


20 comments:

  1. Well, you may have plans and that's good but be rest assured, you have your whole life right behind you. It won't be necessarily be as planned but it can also surprise you with something even better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kuya Franc. maybe, what I was planning is different from God's plans. I got the point. :)

      Delete
    2. Or maybe you'll get what you want in HIS time or better yet there's a surprise out there meant for you.

      Delete
  2. how easy or hard life is just dance with it and ask for HIS guidance

    ReplyDelete
  3. Always remember to thank God for all the blessings, trials and events in your life :) Have a happy 23rd bday :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I feel you. I have been there before. Just do what you think is right and always listen to those who are good influence like me of course :))

    ReplyDelete
  5. Great job on the new look! Always smile and you'll have more reasons to smile about!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You really want something good to happen, then go out of your own yard. Make the first step and all will fall into pieces.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Advance Happy Birthday, we are at our age where we keep on questioning our future. I am 23 too :))

    I am sure you'll have a great life ahead of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yay! Goodluck saten. Ang tanda na naten noh? hahaha

      Delete
  8. Happy 23rd to you Janine! Just keep on pushing and hustlin. Pray and do your stuff until something good happen! :) Be positive ate!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Happy Birthday!!! I feel you are on the right track, AWARENESS.. Be happy Janine! You're blessed and favored by God. Just DO what your heart is telling you to do :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Happy birthday sis! Hmmm...deep thoughts you have here. Okay,a piece of advice since I am older compare to you...hahahahaha.., at your age I give birth to my eldest and I thought that is life all about but then I realize it is not. Every time you add a year you acquire changes. And that changes makes you strong and independent.

    ReplyDelete
  11. i know this is late but still i want to say Happy Birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  12. very inspirational!! its sad to know that your not allowed to go outside ofthe country there's a lot of opportunity here. seek for more and get hungry with the things oyu wanted to do it your own self nto anybody's xx

    ReplyDelete